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For 35 years, I lived a life of duality, trying to meet the impossible standard of what I thought it meant to be “a good man” or as is said in my faith tradition, a “good mormon.’ But deep inside, I was convinced that I was broken in ways that would surely keep me out of heaven.

 

The pain and shame of my imperfection spilled out in the forms of addiction, infidelity, codependency, anxiety, avoiding self-care, depression, deep resentment and rage..

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In my early 40’s, things became more layered adding the demands of marriage, kids, a career, and a shift in my faith toward a more curious and inclusive practice of the faith of my childhood. 

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I began to feel trapped.

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Would I continue hiding and just ride out the second half of my life hoping no one would notice me or ask me any real questions? OR... would I embrace the fact that I was waking up to something complex and beautiful and stepping into a new spiritual space that was exactly what I needed? 

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I started to wonder, were there other faithful mormon men having these same haunting questions?

The more I opened up to other men in my life and in my community, the more I saw that so many of us were facing life’s biggest challenges literally alone. I have since made it part of my healing practice to connect with and learn from other great men who want to be emotionally intelligent, spiritually curious, actually present, and connected to their deepest purpose.

 

These are the strong and vulnerable men I want in my corner..

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Your story is likely different than mine. Or maybe it’s very similar.  Either way, I suspect you’re right where you’re supposed to be if you’re reading this.

 

Here’s to being exactly where we are - and to knowing there’s can be so much more.

 

I hope to meet you there,

 

Russ

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